I Love the Smell of Neoprene in the Morning

“My motto is: live every day to the fullest...in moderation"
Lindsay Lohan

This summer, in terms of endurance athletics, I have set my sights a bit lower than in previous years. For “lower” I am thinking “fun.” I’ve entered the Guelph Lakes Olympic distance triathlon, a race that I haven’t done since 2001. When I was looking at the results, I couldn’t help noticing that the guys last year in the Men 60-65 age group were all faster than I was thirteen years ago, when I was in the 45-49 group. So with little to lose and nowhere to go but up, what else could it be but fun?

The last Olympic race I did was the now-gone Muskoka 5150. I remember the 40K bike as nothing but enjoyment; long enough to get your legs warmed up but not so long that you start to hate your saddle. The distances are so reasonable—1500 metre swim, 40K bike and 10K run—that it’s almost impossible not to have a good time on some level.

I have a good history with the Guelph Lakes triathlon.

I wore my first wetsuit there, back in the last century. It was a used Quntana Roo with a broad silver front that made me look like a metallized, bowling-pin-shaped penguin. I was so proud of it, I wore it till it fell apart—which it inconveniently did several years later just ten seconds before the gun went off at the Peterborough Half Iron race. I remember standing on the beach and taking a deep relaxing pre-race breath, and feeling all the neoprene along my ribcage come apart along the seam.

The Old QR - more water in than out

There wasn’t time to do anything about it—not even to strip it off and go without—so I swam the whole 2000 metres scooping in lake water like a bomber off to a forest fire as the rubber flapped and dragged around me. As it happened, it was one of my fastest swim times ever at Peterborough.

Wetsuits are amazing things. They actually make me think I can go faster, the way that tying a red towel around my neck as a kid made me think I could fly like Superman. A myth. It’s true that they add buoyancy and help me keep swimming flat, but for me this probably knocks about 15 seconds off my total swim time. They also help keep me warm in cold water. I will test this out at the cottage next week, where I believe the ice has been off the lake for about 4 days.

This year I am hoping I can fit into mine, as I am still carrying some of the blubber I put on during our long, long winter. The blubber may assist the wetsuit in keeping me afloat, and in keeping me warm, provided no seams burst. I do not plan a fast swim at Guelph Lakes, or ever.

I like the swim part of a triathlon. It’s a nice private, muffled, green time, where there is nothing to look at and where I don’t have to listen to the hectoring voice of the announcer or the raucous finish line music coming through the loudspeakers. I am lazy swimmer, and I take my time. (I was once passed by a fellow doing the backstroke.) I know that when I get out, I have to get on my bike and face whatever elements are waiting for me in the world. My time in the water is amniotic.

The Fly goes for a swim

Back at my last Guelph Lakes I wore a mask made by AquaSphere that covered most of the top half of my face and gave me a panoramic view of—nothing, actually. It was very comfortable, but some more aggressive swimmers probably felt the drag slowed them down, so the design gradually morphed into a more compact version, which I now wear. I have not noticed a marked improvement in my speed, but I look less like I belong in a Cronenberg movie.

Even though I am shamefully undertrained, I am really looking forward to upcoming race. I need to push myself, physically, in a way that is not as labour intensive as I have in past years. Guelph Lakes is it.